This challenge is multiple. Like a matrioshka, one hiding another. There is the abundance challenge, which is great by itself. I don’t know where I am with this, but sure enough I am much better aware of the thoughts I harbor, and catch myself much quicker to stop and change the ones I don’t deem supportive of the life I want.
Then there is the writing challenge. I hadn’t really anticipated this one, but it is very interesting! Part of me hates the feeling of “have to”. That’s actually part of my rehab program: to quit using victim words or phrases like “I have to” and change them for empowered “I choose to” or “I decide to”. There are times when it’s fine, you won’t catch me using the low power one, and times when I seem to forget. Or fall over again into believing I have no choice.
So, some days I go with the plaintive voice inside that says I have to write, and I hate that feeling. And part of me loves it because if I didn’t “have to”, I wouldn’t sit in front of my computer not having a clue about what to write. And the miracle is that something always comes up. I dont’ know if it’s always interesting for you to read, but it’s always instructive for me to go down the road and see what I have to learn or share come out.
So here I am, three quarters of the initial challenge gone, hating it, loving it, looking forward to getting to the end of it and wanting to continue forever.
I actually love writing, love the clarity and depth of thought and consciousness it offers me. I have loads to share. And I never know what the hell I could say that would be interesting. Funny mix, isn’t it? Maybe I could challenge myself to writing daily? Like before starting my work day. But then, as soon as the idea crosses my mind, comes in it’s wake the “not enough” illusion. Not enough time! shouts my mind. With all you feel like doing before you start your day, you’ll soon be getting up at 3! And why should everything of importance be packed outside your day? Why, if you consider it important, could it not be part of your day? Why couldn’t you wrap your day around these core things, instead of fitting them outside your planning?
I must admit, my mind has a good point there. So, how could I wrap my business around what nourishes me most? Questions are wonderful because they call for answers. And the answer that presents itself almost immediately is: delegate. If you want to do more of what makes you thrive, delegate what needs to be done but not necessarily by you. And there I am again, battling with the misconception of lack. I understand perfectly the idea that getting somebody to do the job is an investment that, as any good investment should, creates money instead of cost. But even though my mind understands the principle, my cells haven’t experienced it and freak out.
OK. I think the random and erratic writing session got me where I needed to head. I’ll leave it for now, with this wild investment idea to grow during the night. Sorry if you got lost 10 times in this post. But… what the hell? You didn’t have to read. You chose to.